A really
extraordinary change has taken place in the last decade or so.
It’s this -vast numbers of over-60s are having exciting love-lives
– including quite active sex-lives!
That didn’t used to
be the case. I can recall a time when most men and women
felt that by the time they were 60, they would be ‘much too old
for that kind of thing.’
As recently as the
1980s, doctors used to assume that anyone who was a ‘pensioner’
MUST have no sex life at all – even if he or she were married.
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WIDOWED AND DIVORCED PEOPLE
In that period, it
was generally felt that anyone who was WIDOWED would of course be
remaining celibate for the rest of their lives. Admittedly, there
were occasional ‘Merry Widows’ who got married again at 60 or so,
but they were exceptional cases.
However in 2005/6,
all that has changed utterly. Over-60s who have been widowed for
some time will often start thinking of looking for love again.
Also, retirement-age
men and women who are DIVORCED (which is, of course, very common
these days) will now quite often go out ‘on the market’ looking
for dates.
When these widowed
or divorced people find somebody, they’re very likely to go to bed
with them. And if all goes well, they might marry them! What a
change this is from the ‘retirement-age celibacy’ of a generation
ago …
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MARRIED PEOPLE
And as far as older
MARRIED couples are concerned … well, I find that these days a lot
of them are still having rampaging sex lives together. Quite a few
of them write to me for advice and tips about revitalizing their
mutual sex lives. The owner of a ‘sex aids by mail’ business tells
me that she sells astonishing numbers of vibrators and other
bedroom toys to couples in their 60s.
GPs are now seeing
increasing numbers of older married couples who want a little help
in keeping their sex lives going. The oldest husband who has
approached me for help in this area is a gentleman of over 90 –
who was about to take his wife on a romantic world tour! And I
gather that they had a wonderful time.
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WHY HAS ALL THIS HAPPENED?
Now why has this
extraordinary change taken place? There are two main reasons:
-
Firstly, people
are living longer – and living HEALTHIER. In recent years, life
expectancy has increased dramatically, so that many men and
women are living to 85 and beyond. And they are much, much
healthier than older people used to be. Just have a look at the
number of grannies who run marathons!
·
Secondly, in the last eight years there have been amazing strides
in helping people ‘get their sex lives back’ – particularly with
drugs of the Viagra type.
Admittedly, most of
these medical advances – have helped MEN, rather than WOMEN.
However, as we’ll see in a moment, medicine has also aided a lot
of females to regain their sex lives.
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CASE HISTORIES
Let’s look at three
typical case histories:
DOROTHY
Dorothy was 53 when
her husband walked out on her -- going off to live with his
secretary in Spain. To begin with she was inconsolable. For a
while, she devoted herself to her work, and had no social life at
all.
But after about five
years, all that began to change. Several of her friends pointed
out to her that she was an attractive and successful woman. Under
their influence, she started to spend more money on clothes and
make-up, and on going out.
Then she went to her
doctor for a check-up, and he told her that she had no health
problems – but would benefit from regular work-outs at the gym and
losing a little weight. She followed that advice.
Almost inevitably,
men of about her own age soon started to flock around her. She
even had one or two brief affairs. These gave her confidence in
herself, and in her body.
Not altogether
surprisingly, she then met a slightly younger man – who fell in
love with her. They settled down happily together, and are now
seriously considering getting married …
BILL
Bill was 56 when his
beloved wife died. Desperately upset, he ‘let himself go’ – and
pretty badly too. He started drinking too much, increased his
cigarette consumption to 40 a day, gave up any physical exercise,
and began piling on the pounds.
All of his pals
assumed that he would have no further interest in ‘the ladies.’
But a couple of years later, while on a business trip to France,
he met a pretty young woman - who had dinner with him, paid him a
lot of compliments, and generally made him feel better about
himself. At the end of the evening, she even kissed him!
On returning to
Britain, he decided it was time to pull himself together. He was a
well-off man, and could afford to hire a personal trainer. He took
up golf again. He cut down dramatically on his drinking, and even
went on the Atkins diet! His GP gave him some medication that
helped him give up smoking.
In a golf tournament
2 years ago, he was allotted a highly attractive female partner.
They got on like a house on fire, won the competition, had dinner
afterwards - and ended up spending that night together. They
soon found they were in love. Six months later, they were married.
JOHNNY AND JANE
Johnny and Jane
got married
to each other in their early 20s. When they were in their late
50s, he suddenly began to suffer from impotence – or, in today’s
jargon, ‘erectile dysfunction’ or ‘ED.’
Because they were
quite an old-fashioned couple, they didn’t discuss this at all.
Jane just assumed that Johnny no longer fancied her. Indeed, she
started to wonder if he’d ceased loving her.
They had no sex for
about five years. But fortunately, at the end of the time Johnny
was chatting to an old pal, who told him that it was now really
easy to get treatment for ED.
So he went to his
doctor, who gave him a ‘once over’- in order to rule out any
serious diseases. There were none. So, after a short discussion
the doc put Johnny or one of the new ‘erection-inducing’ drugs.
The result was that
within just a few days, Jane and Johnny had suddenly regained the
sex life that had been missing for 5 years. It would be fair
to say that, as a result, both of them were very much happier.
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HOW CAN MEDICINE HELP?
OK, so how can
medicine help people of retirement age who need a bit of ‘boost’
in their love lives?
Let’s look first at
what can be done for MALES.
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HELPING MEN
If a man aged over
50 is ‘too exhausted for sex’ or having a bit of a problem in
‘performing,’ what could a doctor do for him?
Well, initially the
GP should ask him a few questions about his lifestyle, in order to
find out if there is anything that could cause erectile
dysfunction. Possible factors include:
-
Excessive tiredness;
-
Excessive drinking;
-
Smoking (which narrows the tubes that carry the blood to the
penis);
-
Tiredness;
-
Stress;
-
Overwork.
-
Depression
-
Medications – particularly certain drugs for high blood
pressure.
Then the doc ought
to examine the man and do some tests. The idea is to check for any
diseases which might be interfering with sexual function, such as:
-
Diabetes;
-
Neurological (nerve) problems;
-
Hormone deficiencies – though these are much rarer than most men
imagine.
However, in the
majority of cases, no actual disease is found. It’s often just a
case of the body getting a bit older and the arteries (the tubes
which supply blood to the genitals) getting a bit narrower.
Commonsense
lifestyle alterations will help -- for example, losing some
weight, getting more exercise, and cutting out tobacco. But if the
problem is failure to get good erections (erectile dysfunction or
‘ED’), then specific medical treatment is available.
What sort of
treatment? Here are the possibilities:
-
Viagra and the related drugs Cialis and Levitra – these open up
the tubes which carry blood to the penis, and thus allow
erections to occur.
-
Uprima – a drug which works on a centre in the brain to make
erections easier.
-
MUSE – a tiny pellet which you pop inside the opening in the
penis in order to induce an erection.
-
Caverject – an injection which the man has to put into his organ
before making love.
-
Vacuum pumps – surprisingly useful for the man who does not want
to take drugs.
-
Surgical implants – these are ‘splints’ which are inserted into
the penis by a urological surgeon.
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HELPING WOMEN
Now what about
women? What can be done to help THEM keep their sex lives fresh
and full of fun?
Well, to begin with
there’s quite a lot you YOURSELF can do – for instance, regular
visits to the gym, and perhaps losing a few pounds in weight. It’s
astonishing how just a couple of weeks of this kind of ‘regime'
can make your body look fitter and sexier, so that you feel much
better about yourself.
At the gym, working
out on a machine called the ‘Pec-Deck’ can help get your breasts
into tip-top shape. And the famous ‘Pelvic Floor Exercises’ (which
you can do anywhere) are very good for improving the health of the
muscles round your sex organs.
Can your GP help
you? Yes, especially if you have any of the general heath
problems which are so common in women – like anaemia or
post-menopausal hot flushes.
For instance, I
recently saw a patient who had spent the last three years feeling
far too exhausted for ANYTHING – including sex. The reason was
that she was aneamic. So a few weeks of iron therapy got her into
good shape to enjoy her life, including her sex life.
You may well wonder
whether Hormone Replacement Therapy – prescribed by your doctor –
could be useful. My answer is a qualified ‘Yes.’ HRT generally
does make women feel better, and takes away post-menopausal
symptoms. However, it carries a greater degree of RISK than we
thought – to find out more, look at some of the previous health
articles on this site.
Nonetheless, I have
sometimes been assured by women that HRT makes them feel extremely
‘randy! ’. But it could be that this is just a ‘placebo’ effect –
i.e. one caused by the power of suggestion.
You may find that
‘NATURAL HRT’ products from herbalists, health shops or chemists
are useful to you.
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VAGINAL TREATMENTS
It’s important to
realize that any woman who wants to be sexually active after the
age of about 45 may well benefit from using any of a large number
of vaginal preparations.
This is because of
the fact that from the time the menopause approaches, there is
usually some reduction in vaginal secretions. {Also, some
commonly-used medications seem to ‘dry up’ the vaginal juices.)
Indeed, some people become very dry indeed – particularly if they
haven’t had intercourse for some time.
That’s why there are
now massive sales of over-the-counter and mail-order sales of
vaginal lubricants like:
